Collect calls, jail cell humiliation, girl fights. 50s diner, deception, murder. While it may seem like those are taglines for a feature film, it’s actually a description (in a nutshell) of Lady Gaga’s newest music video, “Telephone”. Shot in a Tarantino-esque style, even featuring the Pussy Wagon of Kill Bill fame, it seems that this is another effort from Team Gaga, following the footsteps of the “Paparazzi” video, to elevate the music video to short film status. Before the song actually starts however (almost at the three minute mark in the full nine and a half minute video) it becomes little more than another way to prove that Lady Gaga is in fact, a lady. One of the prison guards even remarks, “See, I told you she didn’t have a dick.” The song itself is catchy, and danceable, but the “enhanced” version with long interludes for weak dialogue detracts from the experience. The filming is intentionally choppy at times, but it gave off the feeling that my eyes were having a seizure, instead of some other techno effect. And what’s with all of the product placement? The shots of the Virgin mobile phone, the Diet Coke wrapped in her hair, the Wonderbread bag, all of it felt cheaper than Steven Colbert’s Doritos sponsored 2008 presidential campaign. While I’ve never heard that cow/burger line, I have heard that people say, “Don’t quit your day job.” Gaga, you do great dance music. Stick with that.
--as written for a binghamton university spring 2010 writing course
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